I Have Options?

I was deleting messages in my facebook inbox today and came across some rather disturbing messages...I was going to delete them but I thought it would be more entertaining for everyone to know just what kind of lovely suitors I have in the waiting...

I got the idea to write this after watching Nicole Arbours videos where she reads some of the creepy messages she has received over the years...I never knew my facebook would attract so many interesting characters (yes my profile is now private)....Enjoy..and try not to be jealous...

My first message I don't think was intended to be creepy...I don't think English is his first language

1.) "hi i am armin of iran tehran pershian/ i love you very can you my frind? tell me 00989329249789 id yahoo yoyololo6 old me 28 tall 180 74 /kiss kiss iam gay /give me your tell?"

I'm so glad he told me he was gay...I mean I would have never guessed.

This next message came as a response to fact my profile used to say "I enjoy hearing about fucked up childhoods"....it was soon removed.

2.) "how f@#$%& up their childhoods were...well my brother shot me when i was 2 years old almost killed me ..that creepy enuff LOL"

um...yep that's creepy...but then I started thinking Mr. Fifty Cent has been shot like a whole bunch of times...so if you're trying to impress me you better let your brother shoot you a few more times...I later noticed the guy was from Detroit so being shot is no big deal.

Now this next message is a favourite of mine for many reasons...

3.) "hey big guy can u send me pic in jeans or army cargos or soccer shorts? can ent now or thurs am or sat eve, love to kiss 69 wrestle get pinned ass smacked glowing red hot then once tensed-up you pounding it repeatedly for hours til your exhausted me moaning away licking honey maple syrup or chocolate pudding off your balls and equipment u inside me my legs over your shoulders kissing and the sound of your balls slapping against my ass u licking my sensitive ears

can swap more pics at libertytriumphs@hotmail.com or can call me alek 416 251 1919 5'5' 130 6.5 cut and u? firm ass in jock here, smaller michael j fox kinda build "

I think this guy is a charmer...I'm not sure why he is calling me big..does that mean I'm fat...he must be some sort of fashion designer to want to see me in so many different styles of pants...I don't think I understand what he wants though...what does he want pounded exactly and how in the heck could I play basket ball and eat pudding with him at the same time...that's just asking for a cramp. I also have to admire someone that compares himself to Michael J Fox...so that must mean he's short out of work and shaky...all the things I look for....ha ha

This last message is the most recent...I received it today and I think it speaks for its self...

4.) "hi dear,can i servant to you.what is your opinion about my face? i am slave 24.i like to be slave for you and you piss or shit on my face and sit on my face and i eat your cum.realy and chat.i have webcam, my yahoo id is:nmk2211 add me, plz answer me"

Well this guy had me at Hi dear...until he said I could only "piss or shit" on his face...I'm the kinda guy that really prefers to do both...I don't think I'd be very compatible with someone who would make me choose...I could always use a slave though...ever since that Mexican escaped from the basement I've had to do all the house cleaning myself.

I really feel fortunate to have so many options in life...I'll never be alone with dream boats like these guys....but sadly I'm just not ready to find "The One" just yet....oh if any of y'all want me to hook you up with these gentleman just let me know!!